About 3 months ago, I started chatting to a co-worker when we were put on a Project together at work. We became good friends and got to know each other pretty well. We have just as much, if not more in common with each other as myself and my husband do, which scares me. In the past few weeks I’ve started to look at this co-worker in a new light because we seem to have made this connection (actually I think it may be one sided on my part). I have no reason to believe he feels anything more for me than just being friends, however I feel this electricity when we even chat to each other and always find myself wanting to instigate conversations with him and get to know him more and spend time with him. Nothing physical has happened, and it won’t because no matter what I may feel – I would never do anything to jeopardise my relationship with my husband. Because I am hyper-aware of how I feel, I make sure that we are not in a situation where we are alone together – not that I think I won’t trust myself in a physical sense, but more because I’m worried that I’ll blurt out what’s in my head and it will make things awkward.
The thing that’s confusing me is that I don’t feel any less for my husband as a result of this. I’ve looked this up so much online and so many people that start to have feelings for other people tend to go off their spouses. I don’t feel that way, I still love my husband and am excited to come home to him and always want to protect him and make him as happy as he makes me.
So why do I feel this way, why am I so confused and thinking about someone else? Is it possible to have a connection with two people at once or to believe you have more than one soulmate? I find myself thinking about them both at different times. Why is my head being turned now? What do I do to get over this without losing an actual decent friendship with someone who probably doesn’t feel anything for me anyway?
I have imagined kissing this co-worker, and even had a dream about it and it felt amazing – but can never imagine anything further than kissing. However the experience has made me question if getting together with someone so young has made me lose out on potentially making other connections with people in life.
As much as I’ve gotten to know him and details about his life, he is still quite hard to read emotionally, so I’m not actually 100% sure that he wouldn’t feel the same – but either way I don’t intend on asking the question because I know it will open up a whole unnecessary can of worms.
Inside I feel awful, guilty and ashamed that I am even thinking about someone else and equally kinda sad that I’ll never be able to explore these feelings.
Has anyone else had any similar experiences? How do I get through this?
